Decisions and Consequences: Good and Bad
by FJmatapang
Summary: Felicity goes missing in Africa. Will Oliver and the team ever see her again and if they do will she be the same Felicity Smoak they said goodbye to? Olicity is endgame. :)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own in any way the CW TV show Arrow or any of the characters.**

"Have either of you two heard from Felicity?" Oliver asked Roy and Diggle as he approached the both of them in the lair.

Both Diggle and Roy shared a brief glance towards each other when Diggle simple said, "No, we haven't. We were just talking about that Oliver. It's been over four weeks and no contact. It's not normal; something's wrong man."

Oliver rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands clearly frustrated, "I knew Palmer sending Felicity to Africa was a bad idea."

"So what are we going to do about it?" Roy asked with determination.

After a beat Oliver turned and headed for the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Roy called out.

"To have a chat with Ray Palmer." Oliver said in his Arrow voice.

Oliver approached reception at Queen Consolidated.

"Mr. Queen. This is a surprise. How can I help you sir?" The receptionist asked with a smile.

"Ray Palmer, I need to speak to him. It's urgent." Oliver said pointedly, with no time for pleasantries.

"Uh…do you have an appointment because Mr. Palmer only sees people who have appointments…." The receptionist drifted off as the glare Oliver was giving her was making her too scared to talk.

"It concerns one of his employees, Felicity Smoak."

The receptionist's eyes darkened at the mention of Felicity's name and her head went down solemnly.

"What?" Oliver snapped.

The receptionist looked up unshed tears in her eyes, "Felicity was always so nice to me. I think she was the only one here that called me by my name except for Mr. Palmer of course. I like to think she was my friend."

Oliver's eyes widened at the receptionist's use of Felicity in the past tense.

Now, more desperate for answers, Oliver headed towards the elevators.

"Mr. Queen, please you can't go up there without an appointment." Her shouts muffled as the elevator doors closed.

Oliver reached Felicity's office to find Captain Lance, uniformed police and Ray Palmer.

"Oliver, what are you doing here?" Captain Lance asked with a sympathetic tone which only made Oliver's heart beat even faster.

"I'm looking for Felicity. What the hell is going on here? Where is she?"

Captain Lance moved his glance from Oliver to Palmer, "You haven't told him?"

Ray simply shook his head.

"Told me what? Where's Felicity?" Oliver shouted.

"We have a situation. Ms. Smoak's missing." Captain Lance responded calmly.

"What do you mean, missing?" Oliver counter asked confusion and worry written all over his face.

"I mean she's gone. Palmer here told me she went to Africa to build relations with Queen Consolidated counter parts and when she missed her last check in, he called one of his contacts in the FBI who then called me."

Oliver stole a quick glance to Ray who was looking down, his mind going a hundred miles a minute. He wasn't letting on to everything he knew about Felicity's disappearance.

"May I speak with you for a minute, in private?" Oliver asked through clenched teeth and then walked to the outer office.

Once they were out of ear shot of Lance and the other officers Oliver spoke up, "You are going to tell me everything you know and don't leave out the little details you aren't mentioning to Captain Lance."

"I want to find her just as much as you Oliver." Ray harshly whispered back.

"So, tell me what you know."

Ray sighed in defeat.

"For the last three months she has been checking in with me every day, yesterday was the first time that she didn't."

"What exactly was she doing in Africa?"

"Exactly what Lance said; I made sure Felicity had a protective detail assigned to her. Highly trained ex-marines and seals. The best of the best. I contacted them last night and that's when they searched her room to find that she and the girl were missing."

"Girl, what girl?"

Ray let out a breath hesitant and conflicted to tell him this part.

"You sent Felicity for a different purpose didn't you?"

Ray took out his phone and showed Oliver a photo of a young American girl.

Oliver shrugged his shoulder, "Why are you showing me this?"

"This is my sister, Chloe, she just turned eighteen. She went to Africa after graduating high school to train to be an aid worker. The counter part of Queen Consolidated found out she was my sister and kidnapped her to blackmail me into giving them a high percentage of our assets. I sent Felicity to make the exchange to get my sister back."

"Let me get this straight. You sent Felicity, a person who can barely defend herself to Africa to deal with a man who will do anything to close a business deal. Why didn't you send one of your contacts with the FBI instead of an innocent woman?"

"She is stronger than you think. It was Felicity's idea. To transfer as much of the assets as this man wanted an IT specialist is the only person with that kind of knowledge to do that and it takes time. It was completed just last week. It took three months. Felicity finally made contact with Chloe and the transfer was complete. They were both safe and were having one last night there before coming back home."

Oliver covered his face with his hands taking a step away.

"Who took her? What's his name?"

"Jabril Tookmen."

"If anything happens to her, anything, it is on you." Oliver said as he turned to face him.

"I already know that."

Oliver arrived back at the lair to find Diggle and Roy glued to the computer screens.

"Oliver, what did you find out?" Diggle asked as he stood up.

"Felicity went to Africa to rescue Palmer's sister."

Roy now stood up and had the same expression as Diggle, pure confusion.

"She's missing." Oliver said as he let out a deep breath.

Diggle gasped but remained standing however Roy braced himself on the table.

After some time to get their head around things, Oliver told them everything he knew and that's when they got to work on finding Jabril Tookmen. If they found him, they would find Felicity.

"Oh my God," Diggle exclaimed at the computer.

"What is it?" Oliver asked as he came up behind him.

"They found her."

"Felicity?" Roy asked, hopeful.

"No, Chloe Palmer. This police report says that an hour ago she turned up at the American Embassy in Africa."

Oliver's phone rang.

"Oliver, Chloe's safe, Felicity is being held in a camp north of Cape Town by Jabril. She doesn't have long left Oliver."

Oliver responded by shutting his eyes tight. "How is it that your sister is safe and Felicity is still being held captive?"

"Felicity took Chloe's place. Chloe said that Jabril realized that Felicity would be a better way of liquidating Queen Consolidated so he let Chloe go."

"How is that possible?" Roy whispered.

Oliver turned, "What,"

"It's an e-mail from Felicity." Diggle said whilst staring at the screen.

Oliver hung up and slowly walked to the computer.

"Open it."

"It's a video file,"

"Download it and put it up on the big screen."

Diggle did as requested and the three of them stood before the big screen.

A person wearing a black hood tied to a wooden chair in a dark, dusty room appeared. The hood was removed sharply by a masked man to reveal, a terrified, withdrawn Felicity.

"Say what needs to be said." The masked man ordered.

"No," Roy whispered while Diggle's hand slowly covered his mouth in shock and Oliver's eyes began to water at the sight of her.

Felicity inhaled a deep breath and raised her head to look into the camera.

"If you are watching this, it means I don't have long left. Mom I love you and I'm sorry that we didn't get a chance to be closer. To my team back home, it was an honor to work with all of you. You are my family and my home and I wouldn't change one second of my time with all of you. Ray, it was my choice to come to Africa, my choice, please don't feel guilty about this. It isn't your fault. I just pray your sister is safe and back with you." Felicity paused and looked down, tears now flowing desperately down her face. She inhaled a deep breath and lifted her head to the camera to say one last thing, "Oliver, my home, 3693."

"Ok that is enough." The masked man voiced as the screen went black. Visual was lost but sound remained…BANG. One single shot and that was it, it was over, visual, sound and Felicity now gone.

Roy closed his eyes tight tears fighting to stay in had no choice but to release. Diggle braced himself on Felicity's table with anger brewing, tears flowing. Oliver as if everything was in slow motion walked away, sounds drowning out until the sound of his own heartbeat was all that could be heard. It took Oliver all but a minute to figure out Felicity's message to him. He arrived at her townhouse using the spare key she had given him in case of emergencies to enter. He didn't look around, he went straight to where she wanted him to go remembering the last time he had spoken to her.

_Four weeks ago (The last time Felicity made contact from Africa)_

_Oliver's phone buzzed while he was having lunch with Thea. Looking down at the number he knew who it was. He excused himself and walked where Thea could still see him but could not hear him._

"_Hey," Oliver said with a smile in his voice, excited to just hear her voice._

"_Hey Oliver, How are things?" Felicity asked tiredly._

"_Everything's fine. Are you ok? You sound different." _

"_I'm fine Oliver. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."_

"_Say the word Felicity and I'll go to Palmer myself to get you on the next flight back home."_

"_Stop worrying Oliver, I'm fine. I didn't call you to argue about my safety again. I called because…" Felicity drifted off not wanting to say it in fear of crossing the boundary the both of them had built since their kiss at the hospital._

"_Why Felicity?" Oliver whispered._

_Felicity closed her eyes, justifying that she was a world away and what harm could saying what she wanted to say really do? "Because I wanted to hear your voice, because I miss you Oliver….and Diggle and Roy." _

_Oliver waited a beat in case she wanted to say more. "I miss you too Felicity." _

"_How's my townhouse? No-one has broken into it have they?" _

"_What?" Oliver asked confused at how she could go from a heart to heart to asking how her house was managing. _

"_My townhouse Oliver, before I left I asked you to check in on it, make sure it wasn't being vandalized or broken into, not that I'm rich and have a lot a robber would want but I do have a safe with a four digit code but even in that there isn't anything of value, well value in a money sense…"_

"_Felicity, why are you telling me all this?" Oliver interrupted, exasperated and confused. _

"_You know I ramble when I'm nervous," Felicity replied with a light but fake chuckle._

"_Why are you nervous?"_

_Felicity hesitated before she replied with, "I feel like I don't know how to talk to you anymore Oliver."_

_Oliver let out a breath, "I feel the same way. So what are we going to do about that?"_

"_I think you decided that pushing me away was the best solution."_

"_Felicity….."_

_Another faint voice entered the line, "Ms. Smoak, dinner is being served."_

"_Say hey to Diggle and Roy for me. I gotta go. I'll call you next week."_

"_Bye Felicity."_

"_Bye Oliver."_

Present time (Felicity's house)

Oliver found himself crouched down in front of a silver safe. His shaking hand entered the four digit code Felicity had told him in the video 3693….. he opened the safe to reveal a single envelope. He took it out of the safe and went to sit on her couch in the living room. His name in her cursive writing was written on the back of the envelope. He opened it slowly exhaling as he unfolded the letter Felicity had written to him:

_Dear Oliver,_

_If you are reading this, it means it's not good. I want you to know I knew full well what I was getting myself into. I just wanted to help. All I can do now is hope that the circumstances of my death means that Chloe is safe. I want to thank you Oliver for letting me join your team. You gave me a home, a place that gave me a purpose, best of all you made me feel a love that could make my heart rule my head. I know what you see when you look in the mirror, a weapon that in time will self destruct. You want to know what I see? I see an amazing man, a man who has been to hell and back and came out wanting to help people. I see Oliver Queen, not your past self or even the Arrow, I just see who you are now. I see the man I fell in love with and you have no idea how good it feels to finally say that to you, relatively speaking seeing though, you are reading this and I'm not actually here anymore. Say goodbye to Diggle and Roy for me. Please tell them how important they both were to me. _

_Love Always,_

_Your Girl, Felicity. _

Oliver's breathing became more rapid as he finished the letter as his sobs filled Felicity's home. He held the letter to his chest as he crumbled to the ground. At this point, the front door opened and Diggle came in to discover Oliver on the ground clutching the letter to his chest. Diggle knelt beside him embracing him tightly and through a cracked voice said, "I'm so sorry Oliver."

_Six months later_

"You've got to see this Oliver." Diggle said as he turned the plasma on in the foundry to reveal a news woman revealing some breaking news.

"The man responsible for taking down Queen Consolidated formerly owned by the Queen family and more recently Dr. Ray Palmer has been found dead right here in Starling City. His name was Jabril Tookmen. According to Starling Police he kidnapped a Queen Consolidated employee who they refused to name, and under duress forced this employee to liquidate Queen Consolidated. This employee was apparently killed by one of Tookmen's followers. Police say that he was overpowered by a woman seen leaving his hotel room and died as a result of his injuries. The police are currently searching for this woman."

"We have been tracing Tookmen for six months. How could he just show up in Starling City without us knowing?" Oliver said through clenched teeth.

"I don't know Oliver, the point is he's dead and we need to find the woman who's responsible."

"I think I know who she is." Roy said as he approached them slowly appearing to be in shock.

"Who?" Diggle asked.

Roy kept his head down appearing to have recently been in a fight.

"Roy?" Oliver snapped.

"I tracked her down from a buddy of mine in the glades and I found her. I was about to call you guys when she spotted me and ran. I caught up with her and we fought, she's trained so it took me a beat before I got one up on her. I removed her hoodie as she stumbled back…." Roy drifted off.

"What happened? Why didn't you bring her here? She would have been able to give us answers we have been looking for from the past six months. If you got one up on her, where is she?" Oliver yelled the last part as he moved an intimidating step closer to Roy as Diggle held back.

Roy squared himself and looked Oliver directly in the eye. "I let her go because…." Roy let out a breath before continuing, "the woman under the hood was Felicity…Felicity's alive and she was the one who killed Jabril Tookmen."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own in any way the CW TV show Arrow or any of the characters. Some ideas in this chapter I have gotten from other TV shows like NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles. **

**Thank you to all of you who are reviewing and reading this story. It means a lot. **

Oliver took a step back from Roy, his mouth slowly opening in shock. He turned away, trying desperately to soak in and grasp what Roy had just said.

"Felicity's dead Roy. You must be hallucinating because if there was even a chance that she was still alive we would've gone to hell and back to bring her home, we wouldn't hesitate, we would've done it in a heartbeat." Diggle spoke up as he stepped forward, disbelief shadowing his hope.

"You don't think I know that. I had all but accepted that she was never coming back to us. I'd be walking down the street and see her…. only to take a second look and realize it was just some random blonde getting a coffee. I never said anything about it because I knew it would give us false hope that maybe, just maybe one of those random blondes could be Felicity. Felicity. is. Alive." Roy finished breathing heavily.

"What do you mean she's trained?" Diggle asked Roy after taking a moment, finally accepting it.

"She knew complex fight sequences and the only reason I was able to get one up on her was because she realized who I was and held back."

"Then we need to find her and find her fast before the police catch up with her."

"They already have, in a manner of speaking," Oliver finally spoke up as he hung up his phone and turned to face Dig and Roy.

"What do you mean Oliver?" Diggle asked.

"Felicity turned herself in. She's at the police station now. Captain Lance just called. She's being interrogated." Oliver said in a monotone as if he was trying not to feel the emotions brewing within him.

"You ok man? Do you want to take a minute before we go?"

Oliver covered his face with his hands before looking up and replying with, "No, I want to see her."

Diggle inhaled and exhaled before finally nodding.

In the interrogation room:

"For the benefit of the tape, my name is Captain Quentin Lance of the Starling City Police Department, interviewing Miss Felicity Smoak. Interview beginning at 2:20 pm."

Captain Lance took a deep breath before continuing.

"Miss Smoak, I want to hear all of it, from the beginning. Why did you make that trip to Africa?"

Felicity spoke with determination to get the words out as her hands were interlaced on the table before her, "Ray Palmer's daughter was kidnapped in Africa while she was training to be an aid worker. Ray sent me there to bring her home."

"Why you and not the police?"

"The probability of Chloe making it out alive with me was higher than if an FBI team of agents infiltrated his organization."

"Jabril Tookmen. Is that the man you are referring to Ms. Smoak?"

Felicity's eyelids closed suddenly at the sound of his name as she turned her head away.

"Yes." Felicity whispered.

"I know that Tookmen let Chloe go and decided to keep you because he got greedy. Why have a high percentage of Queen Consolidated when you had the one person who could give you all of it?"

"He let us go when I completed the partial transfer. I thought Chloe and I were home free when we were taken in the middle of the night. He was going to kill both of us to cover his tracks when I gave him the idea to take all of Queen Consolidated on the condition of letting Chloe go."

"And he accepted, just like that?"

"Just like that. When the transfer was complete, I naively thought that there was a chance he would let me go too until he had me tied to a chair making a goodbye video to my family."

Captain Lance hesitated, opening and closing his mouth, thinking of what to say next, "I saw the video. How did you survive?"

"Visual was lost when he supposedly shot me."

"Supposedly?"

"He shot the bullet into the wood floor and then cut the tape. He wanted to make it look like he had killed me. If people back home thought I was dead, they would have no reason to come looking for me."

"Why didn't he kill you Ms. Smoak?"

"In exchange for my life he wanted to use my skills as an I.T. specialist."

"What happened next?"

Felicity shrugged, shaking her head, not wanting to talk about any of it anymore.

"I know this is hard Felicity but you need to tell me. It's just for the record and then you can go and see your loved ones."

Felicity's brow furrowed in confusion, "I don't understand. I killed Jabril Tookmen. I'm turning myself in. I was gone for six months, six whole months, things happened which I don't want to relive so can we please stop going around in circles and get to the point where you arrest me."

"It was self-defense Felicity, there was a camera in the hotel room. I saw everything. You are free to go once I get your statement down. I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through in the last six months so let's just fast forward to the events leading to your return to Starling City and what happened in that hotel room."

A single tear fell down Felicity's cheek which she instantly brushed away, sighing she met Lance's eyes, "Two hours after that video was shot, I escaped from the camp. However I was miles away from the place they took us from. It was secluded. I had no passport, no way of identifying myself. I took refuge in a small village where there was a man who could speak broken English. He told me that it was only a matter of time before Tookmen caught up with me so he began to train me how to fight, so that at least I could be prepared for the inevitable. Tookmen only found me two weeks ago. He took me back to the camp, he used up nearly all of the money and he wanted more. Finding me then was like a godsend to him because he knew that with my skills, I could hack into anyone's bank account undetected. Lucky for me I had the advantage over Tookmen being extremely naïve about computers and that I could now defend myself. I conned Tookmen into thinking that the only way to successfully transfer a huge amount of money was for us to go back to Starling. We got to that hotel room. He was about to tie me down when I uhh….overpowered him."

"Interview suspended at 3:11 pm."

"Is it over?" Felicity asked simply as Lance stood up gathering his notes.

"It's over Felicity. There are some people outside who are eager to see you." Captain Lance said with a small, brief smile. "Welcome home Felicity."

"Thank you." Felicity replied with a hint of a smile.

Felicity followed Lance out and around the corner to where Diggle, Roy and Oliver were waiting. Felicity stood a few metres away from them before she stopped, taking in the sight of the three of them. She never thought she would see any of them again. Her breathing intensified as Lance walked up to them making them aware of her presence. The three of them instantly turned to face her. Felicity looked so small, her hands by her sides with an unreadable expression.

Oliver was the first to make a move. He slowly approached her. They were toe to toe when Oliver cradled Felicity's head as they're eyes locked.

"Felicity?" Oliver questioned still bewildered at how she could be right in front of him.

"You must think you're hallucinating or seeing a ghost after all this time." Felicity whispered with a hint of a smile.

Oliver let out a small chuckle, "It really is you," Oliver exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around her, "I missed you so much," Oliver whispered near her ear.

Felicity slowly raised her arms up, returning the hug with the same force replying with a simple, "I missed you too."

After a hug that mimicked six months' worth of hugs, Felicity and Oliver let go. Diggle was the next to approach, embracing Felicity in a bear hug.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'll be ok."

Felicity and Dig exchanged warm smiles before Felicity turned to Roy who was looking down and sniffling.

"You must have really missed me judging by those tears that are trying to escape."

"Usually I would deny that to the best of my ability but right now I don't care," Roy replied as he looked up and stepped forward hugging Felicity.

"I'm glad you're alive."

"Me too."

Roy and Diggle said their goodbyes only when Felicity promised both of them that she would keep in regular contact.

"So….."Felicity started.

"So….." Oliver replied.

"I'm guessing I don't have a home to go to tonight with the whole being dead thing, kind of frowned upon by landlords' right?"

"Your mom notified your landlord and there's a new tenant living there now," Oliver returned looking down.

"And my stuff?"

"At my place, didn't feel right to put it in storage."

"Your place as in the mansion?"

"No, I bought an apartment; all of your stuff is in my spare bedroom."

Felicity hesitated before adding, "You didn't have to do that you know, you could've thrown it away or given it to charity."

"These last six months have been hard to say the least without throwing away your things."

Felicity looked down, not knowing what to say.

Oliver opened and closed his mouth before sighing, "Stay with me."

Felicity's head shot up.

"I mean stay with me as in you can stay at my place till you get back on your feet. All your things are there anyway, it kind of makes sense, right?"

Felicity wasn't sure it was a good idea but she was not in the mood to get into that so she simply nodded.

"Nice place," Felicity said as she entered Oliver's apartment.

"It is for what I paid for, it's not much but its home I guess." Oliver replied as he put his hands in his pockets as he observed Felicity looking over the apartment.

After a few minutes of awkward attempts at conversation Felicity called it an early night. Oliver gave her his room, telling her they would get a bed for the spare room and until then Oliver was okay on the couch.

Oliver couldn't sleep; he was on the couch, staring at the ceiling when he heard Felicity start to suddenly shift around, it wasn't until she started whimpering that he sat up, intently listening to whether she needed him. A single scream was all it took for Oliver to dart to his room to check up on her. He approached with caution. He stood over her, noticing the beads of sweat trickling down the sides of her face. He grasped her shoulder, gently shaking her, "Felicity….Felicity."

All of sudden Felicity gasped, "No," as she shot up her arms ready to strike in defense before Oliver caught them as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hey it's me, your safe, it was just a nightmare." Oliver said trying to calm her.

"No, it's not," Felicity whispered looking around the room, assessing if there was a possible threat.

Oliver released her, his brows furrowing in confusion and concern as he interlaced their hands while stroking her cheek. Felicity closed her eyes at his touch before patting his shoulder, "Leave me alone Oliver, I'm fine, really."

Oliver let go, standing up as Felicity turned on her side pretending to go back to sleep. She could feel his eyes on her before he walked out of the room. Felicity tried to control her breathing as unshed tears and pain built up in her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own in any way the CW TV show Arrow or any of the characters. Some of the ideas in this chapter I have gotten from other TV shows like NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles.**

**Hey guys, hope you like this chapter. Feedback is always appreciated and if there is anything you would like me to include in the next chapter, just review and let me know. **

"So, you and Felicity living together. How is that working out?" Diggle asked Oliver as they were training with wooden sticks.

"I'm glad she's home," Oliver grunted as Diggle blocked his strike.

As they stared each other down Diggle replied with, "That wasn't the answer to my question Oliver."

Oliver pushed away, reaching for his towel and water bottle, wanting to keep his feelings for Felicity and their living arrangements private but knew that Diggle wasn't going to let up at the same time.

"We are taking it one day at a time, our living arrangements are just until she gets back on her feet, however after last night, I'm worried it will take longer than she thinks." Oliver whispered the last part.

"What do you mean?... What happened last night?" Diggle asked as his brows furrowed with worry.

Oliver looked up, startled that Diggle had heard him, "Hmm…..nothing, nothing happened. Felicity is stronger than we give her credit for, she'll get through this."

Oliver headed for the showers, feeling Dig's gaze on him every step of the way. He knew that what had happened wasn't nothing but he felt like he would be betraying Felicity's trust by telling Dig.

Oliver returned to find Felicity at the computers laughing at something Diggle had said. Oliver approached them.

"Felicity, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?"

"I missed the place and I was bored at your place, doing nothing so I ended up going for a walk and found myself here."

"And we are glad she's here, right Oliver?" Diggle said as he looked at Oliver pointedly.

Oliver opened his mouth to answer but before he could, Roy arrived.

"Felicity, you're here, are you back?"

"She's not back, she's just visiting." Oliver finally spoke up.

"And she, is sitting right here." Felicity said whilst looking at Oliver.

Oliver could see the glare and anger in Felicity's eyes, almost as if she was daring him to say what he was really thinking but Oliver was saved by Diggle, "Well, I don't know about you guys but I'm starving, Felicity why don't we get some burgers to bring back and we can catch up at the same time."

"Sure."

After hearing the door close behind Diggle and Felicity Roy broke the silence by saying, "Well, that was awkward."

This earned him a glare from Oliver, however Roy was feeling strong and looked him straight in the eye and replied with a simple, "What, it was."

Oliver's eyes drifted shut slowly as he let out a breath.

"What's going on and don't give me any of the, it's nothing crap because you and I both know it's anything but," Roy asked defiantly.

Oliver hesitated but thought that maybe a second opinion on how to deal with Felicity's return would be healthy for lack of a better word.

"I just…Felicity being back, it's…" Oliver stopped, rubbing his temples, hoping Roy got at least some of the gist of what he was on about.

"I guess now you're starting to realize what it's like from the other perspective."

Oliver dropped his hands, "What do you mean?"

"Well instead of being the survivor returning home, you're the homecoming, what Felicity is coming home to."

"Roy, Felicity and I are not…..I mean Felicity and I are just…we're friends." Oliver said looking down clearly defeated.

Roy's lips upturned as he let out a soft chuckle, "Since when do you talk in sentence fragments, you must really love her."

"I just told you that…."

"…You and Felicity are just friends. I heard you loud and clear but your actions speak different, I mean you practically asked her to move in with you at the first chance you got, you're clearly worried about her and like the rest of us curious as to what happened to her the time that she was away."

Oliver left it at that, leaving Roy's words to sink in. Felicity and Diggle arrived half an hour later with bags of food which they ate in practical silence. Felicity excused herself after finishing her food, claiming she was tired and wanting to rest.

Oliver ended up going home at about nine that night after a successful night of patrolling with Roy while Dig hung back in the foundry. Oliver opened the door to his apartment surprised to see Felicity still up, on the couch, channel surfing.

"Hey," Oliver said as he approached her cautiously.

"Hey back," Felicity replied sitting up.

"What are you doing up? I thought you would be asleep already."

Felicity looked down before replying with, "I took a nap after lunch and woke up about fifteen minutes ago, couldn't get back to sleep so I thought I'd catch up with some shows I missed, calm my mind down," Felicity finished as she looked back at the TV.

However Oliver could sense that she wasn't really watching but simply staring while her mind was going a million miles an hour. He should know, it was the same look he used to plaster on his face when he attempted to watch TV with Thea the first month of being back.

Oliver sighed and took the seat on the chair next to the couch, knowing that it was now or never to bring up everything, her supposed death, the letter she left him and to face head on with what she was dealing with right now, being back in Starling.

Felicity muted the TV, turning to Oliver who had been staring at her for the last couple of minutes trying to formulate the words and sentences he was going to use.

"Oliver?"

"Hm," Oliver replied

"This is me, noticing you're staring."

"We need to talk Felicity."

"I know."

"You do?" Oliver replied skeptical as how easy that was.

"Yeah, I do, so ask me anything you want." Felicity took a deep breath readying herself for this moment, she knew that growing a defensive wall didn't work one bit for Oliver when he returned so why should that for her. The only way to move forward and quiet the noise in her head was to let people in. Felicity knew that she needed all the help that she could get.

"Do you remember writing the letter you left me that was in your safe?"

Felicity lips parted slightly as she looked down to her right, recalling the memory and then met Oliver's eyes again. "That wasn't the first question I thought you would ask but, yes I do remember."

"Good." Oliver replied with a hint of a smile that Felicity returned.

"Do you want to tell me about the nightmare you were having last night?"

"Before, uhh, Africa, I had dreams and nightmares. The kind of ones that would leave you feeling either relieved to wake up to reality or disappointed that you couldn't spend just one more minute in the dream. Now when I go to sleep I see flashes of memories and not just of Africa but of before, it's like someone took all of my memories and made an out of order movie if that makes any sense."

Oliver's eyes glimmered with recognition, "Yeah, it makes sense."

Felicity's eyes darkened as her hands clenched white as she was trying to distract the pain she was feeling with physical hurt.

"What did they do to you Felicity?"

"Enough, things that can't be taken back. However if one good thing came out of my time there it would be that it reinforced the good I feel inside me. What they did was bad enough but to become like that would be worse."

Oliver chuckled at that while Felicity stared at him confused, "What, did I say something funny?"

"No, you're just remarkable Felicity Smoak."

Felicity laughed quietly, "Thank you for remarking on it Oliver Queen."

Oliver couldn't help the smile that grew on his face knowing that yeah maybe the road back would be hard but he knew that they would be ok.

"Well, I think that's it for me tonight. I'm going to try to get some sleep," Felicity said as she got up. "You should too, you know."

"I'll try," Oliver said as he too got up.

"Good night Oliver."

"Goodnight Felicity."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own in any way the CW TV show Arrow or any of the characters. Some of the ideas in this chapter I have gotten from other TV shows like NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles.**

Every day was a struggle for Felicity. Even after her conversation with Oliver the other night, she still felt like she was sinking or what was left of her. She still had a light inside of her but a big part of it had been extinguished. How to keep that flicker burning was the only thing motivating her to get up in the morning.

Felicity awoke to find Oliver gone and a note left on the kitchen counter.

_Be back later tonight,_

_Oliver_

After reading the note, Felicity made a decision to just go about the day as normal and what do normal people do, first thing in the morning, make breakfast. But before she could start her normal day a knock at the front door startled her. On instinct Felicity reached for the small of her back, for the gun that had served as her crutch for safety for so long. Realizing that it was not there anymore and that she didn't need it, she let out a deep breath and headed to the door with caution and relaxed as soon as she looked in the peep hole.

"Roy, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?" Felicity asked as she put on the brightest fake smile that she could muster.

"I was in the neighborhood," Roy simply said.

Felicity cocked her head to the side in disbelief.

"Ok, yeah that isn't exactly true but seeing though Oliver doesn't need me until tonight I thought that I would come and see you and I don't know, catch up maybe…but if you're busy that's totally fine, we can catch up some other time."

Felicity waited a beat before letting out a soft, genuine chuckle.

"What?" Roy asked.

"Nothing, it's just that you seem a little nervous."

"Because you're different."

Felicity's eyes widened slightly at Roy's frankness as his closed shut from embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that, what I meant was…"

"Honestly Roy, don't worry about it, you're right I am different but deep down I'm still just Felicity and nothing not even six months away can ever change that."

Roy smiled at that and replied with a simple nod.

"Do you feel like getting some breakfast?"

"You read my mind." Felicity replied as she grabbed her coat and followed Roy out.

They settled on a little café for breakfast where they ate their food in silence. After they finished Felicity gaze was out the window, a million miles away until Roy broke the silence with a question that had been brewing ever since their first encounter since Felicity's return.

"Who taught you how to fight?"

Felicity's head snapped to attention as her brows furrowed together.

"Felicity, I wasn't just nervous this morning because you seem different. Most of it was because before Diggle and Oliver's reunion with you at the police station, we already had our own, however brief it was. The way you attacked me wasn't just the self-defense that Diggle was teaching you before you left; it was complex, well crafted." Roy paused trying to get a read on Felicity's reaction and then finished with, "trained even,"

While Felicity was trying to form the words for a response she had a flashback.

Flashback- Africa, small village

"_You want to learn how to fight?" The elder of the village asked._

"_When Tookmen comes for me, I want to be ready."_

"_I see deep innocence in you my child, a light that burns brightly. But I fear that this innocence will diminish and your light will slowly fade the minute you strike your first hit on your opponent. You need to be ready for that loss, so I will ask you again, you want to learn how to fight?"_

_Felicity closed her eyes seeing her innocent self behind her computer screen at Queen Consolidated._

"_Yes." _

_The elder smiled briefly, "Then let us begin."_

End of flashback.

"I was taught by an African elder in the village where I escaped to."

"Felicity, you were gone for six months, the kind of skills that you have takes years of training to master, just look at Oliver."

"I can't speak for Oliver and what he went through, I can only speak for myself. I had nothing but time when I was there and only had two options, wait for Tookmen to find me or train hard so that I could be ready for when he did. It wasn't easy. I trained hour after hour, with little rest and little sleep, forced to do things that I didn't want to do but that would make me stronger. If there had been any other way I would have taken it, but there wasn't."

Just like that her wall was crumbling and the emotion was gone.

"You look like you need to hit something."

Felicity just looked away and closed her eyes in irritation.

Roy, however was steely determined, "So let's go hit something."

They arrived at the foundry and were facing each other on the mats.

"Where are Oliver and Diggle?" Felicity asked while looking around.

"They're following a lead in the city."

"I don't think this is a very good idea." Felicity said apprehensively.

"Before Africa, I assume the way you dealt with your emotions and problems was to hack into something but now I assume that wouldn't do the trick. Spar with me and if at any point you don't want to go on, we can stop."

Felicity nodded, taking off her jacket.

Both Roy and Felicity got into their fighting stances and it was then that Roy struck first, not hesitating which was good because Felicity blocked his attack and struck twice as hard.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Felicity ignored Oliver's voice and took advantage of Roy who instantly froze, kicking his feet from underneath him and then flipping herself from her back onto her feet. Roy groaned in pain as Felicity realized how this situation was beginning to look and all she could feel was that she didn't need whatever Oliver was about to dish out.

Roy found his way back to his feet, seeing the situation unfold before him. Felicity had her head down, Oliver was in shock, simply staring at Felicity while Diggle had the same look on his face that he had when he saw Barry Allen's super speed in Central City.

"This is getting ridiculous, could one of you please say something." Roy said as looked between the three of them.

"Are we or are not a team?" Oliver asked Roy.

Roy replied with a confused look.

"Why the hell are you training Felicity behind my back?"

"I wasn't training Felicity, we were just sparring."

"That's not what it looked like to me."

"And what did it look like to you Oliver?" Roy asked as his annoyance level was rising.

Oliver opened his mouth to reply when Felicity spoke up.

"Enough,"

Oliver and Roy's gaze instantly fell on her with Diggle prepared to step in when he needed to.

"Roy's not lying, he wasn't training me, we went to breakfast and he asked who taught me how to fight. I told him and I got upset so he offered to spar with me to make me feel better and it did."

"What does this mean then Felicity? Do you want to join us again but instead of my computer hacker, you want to be my sidekick vigilante?"

Felicity's lips parted in shock while Diggle stood in front of Oliver with his hand on his chest as he said, "That's enough Oliver, back away."

"No Diggle, we need this." Felicity replied as she stepped forward towards Oliver who stood defiantly.

"If you think that I want to be like you Oliver then you are sadly mistaken. You are slowly letting the Arrow take over your humanity, it is slowly eating away at you Oliver because you refuse to try and just be Oliver Queen. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm the same Felicity Smoak that left six months ago because I'm not. The man who taught me how to fight told me that once I started to make the choices I had to make, my innocence would slowly diminish and he was right, however I still feel like Felicity Smoak and I'll be damned if I'm going to let her fade away by becoming like you."

Felicity was now just a foot away from Oliver, stealing away his defiance with every word she said but now it was Oliver's turn.

"I love you, Felicity. No matter how much you say that you have changed, I still see the woman I fell in love with and because of that I would never want you to become like me. I'm sorry for what I said but if anyone understands what you are going through, it's me. I made a choice to be like this, to only be the Arrow and I have to live with it. I just don't want to see you go down the same path."

"I hope you don't really mean that. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be the Arrow anymore because that is who you are, a man willing to put other's needs before his own, that is the man I fell in love with and I truly hope that one day you will be able to realise that you are Oliver Queen, a hero that deserves a life outside of the Arrow, a chance to be happy. I promised myself that if I got back I would move forward with my life because life really is precious and I'm done wasting it here on a future that may or may never happen. I love you Oliver Queen but I am not the woman you fell in love with."

With fresh tears in his eyes he replied with the sadness he felt, "Don't do this Felicity, please."

"Do what?" Diggle asked annoyed that they were beginning to say things without actually saying them.

Tears spilled down Felicity's cheeks as she walked past Oliver and turned around so that she was facing the three of them with Oliver at the centre.

"I don't think I can survive if I stay here. I'm sorry." And as if in slow motion Felicity left leaving the three of them behind.


End file.
